The Disgusting and Creepy Future of Advertising

So you're at the club, you're squinting your eyes to peer across the room to get a good look at the "hot chick" that all your drunk friends are talking way too loudly about. You get a good look, they're right, she's really hot...but you figure, that's a just eye-candy that you'll never get a taste of. However, your drunk friends push you to go and talk to her or at least buy her a drink. So, before you have time to say no, three of your drunk and obnoxious friends are dragging you across the dance floor through walls of annoyed people to talk to her. You arrive at the allocated destination and you wave awkwardly at her and manage to mumble out of your shaking mouth:

"Uh...hi"

The super-hot-way-out-of-your-league chick gives you a funny look which (fortunately) fades into a smile and she responds nonetheless:

"Hi"

Now you're thinking "omg she said hi to me and smiled". All of a sudden you feel like you could teach "how to mac on hot chics 101" and you turn on your sexy-man voice and drop your best one-liners at her. Soon enough, you've got her laughing at all your jokes and giggling at all your actions. Your friends are in dismay, and they awe at your presence. She tells you she wants you to take a picture with her on her camera. She pulls out her impressive new SONY camera and tells you to hold it up to take the picture because she claims you have much longer (not to mention, stronger) arms. *SNAP* you take the picture, and just as you're handing it back to her she tells you how that camera was a birthday present from her dad and it's been the best gift she's gotten since that pony in grade five. You give the camera a double take... and realize that...damn...that really is a nice camera...so, super-hot-way-out-of-your-league chick, tell me more about it. And NOW...they got you. Turns out this girl knows a whole lot about this camera and starts telling you great stories about her adventures with it and all the wonderful things it can do. But one thing she never tells you is that she's an undercover marketing agent for SONY...and you just got played by people who made you think you were Mr.MacDaddy. And, this isn't fiction, it's happening right now, right in your favourite club (PLUSH, ATLANTIS, 686, THE ROYAL, CAPRIS, WILD COYOTE)...and it might've already happened to you. PLUS, this is only 1 of 5 different techniques of advertising that corporations will be using consistently in the future. So, right now, you look up at the image for this post and you think that that's advertising at it's best..."hot girl with a VAIO computer...I want it because sex sells". Sure, it's a very successful form of advertising, but it's not even close to what's the most effective. Don't believe me? read THIS and find out what the disgusting and creepy future of advertising is going to be like.

Get a Life...Literally...Buy It from Ian Usher

It's crazy the stuff you can get off Ebay these days, but none of the used socks and empty cardboard boxes come remotely close to what 44-year-old Ian Usher is offering. If you ever were to meander across Alife4sale.com, you would know that I aint joking. The name of the site kinda gives it away already, and it's kinda too shocking to actually believe - But, believe it or not, Ian Usher is auctioning his LIFE online. Why? well, to keep a long story short, girl troubles (he's got more than 99 problems...hehe...lame, i know). Either way, for the right price, some lucky (and slightly pathetic) soul can have Mr. Usher's house, car, motorbike, job, friends, and everything else that he owns. Now, I know what you're thinking, who in their right mind would want to buy someone else's life - it's degrading, expensive, pathetic, and... WELL YOU'RE WRONG MY FRIEND...the highest bid is a fraction away from $400,000 AU (which is around $390,000 CDN) and it doesn't end for another...oh...18 hours? So...seriously...go check it out...and maybe, get a life.

Read the who's, what's, when's, where's, why's, and how's HERE

Oscars are BORING | Watch MTV Movie Awards

This past february I watched the Oscars, which sucked. I found myself flipping through a magazine after about 15 minutes of this overrated annual event. The sketches are corny and the event is just too formal and too unappealing. I guess i'm not the target audience, being a 20 year old movie fanatic. Either way, the 2008 MTV MOVIE AWARDS hosted by Mike Myers less than a month ago were incredibly entertaining even though I didn't fully agree with all the final decisions (but that's not the point). Watch the full event HERE. The crowd gave a standing ovation when the Wayne's World set appeared on stage. Golden, love you Mike Myers. The Love Guru looks stupid though.

NHL REPORT | The Vancouver Canucks acquire Wellwood in an attempt to create The Shortest Second-Rate Scoring Unit...

The Vancouver Canucks "proudly" claimed Kyle Wellwood off of waivers yesterday in an attempt to create their highly anticipated and innovative "SSRS-UNIT".

"It's a great new idea. I'm very excited" mumbles Mike Gillis, the new GM of the Canucks.

Gillis, and the rest of the not-so-bright executives (Francesco Aquilini) believe that a "new and improved" Kyle Wellwood would fit right into their plans for the future. Kyle Wellwood, known for his laziness, diminutive hockey sense, and recently, his questionable attitude, is going to be placed on a line with Ryan Shannon to create 2/3 of a lethal and feared line called the "Shortest Second-Rate Scoring Unit" (SSRS-UNIT) in which opponents will be afraid to throw hard bodychecks because Gary Bettman WILL BE ON THEIR ASS after these small hockey players get hurt. Gillis, and the rest of the not-so-bright executives believe that a line combination with 3 players all 5'10 and under (Wellwood, 5'10, Shannon 5'9) will help pave the way for the new NHL, where speed and agility are more important than size and work ethic.

"Believe me, this unit will be the new NHL's "Legion of Doom"" Gillis claims.

Wellwood, 25, has proven to be a wave of potential for the Canucks with his unwillingness to get in shape and ability to get injured often because of it. Gillis, hired by Aquilini for his innovative perception of the new NHL with ideas like the "SSRS-UNIT", actually believed that Dave Nonis' original plan on rebuilding the Canucks involved lazy, no-good, puck-hog players like Wellwood. Only, Gillis states, he is a better candidate than Nonis because while Nonis had the RIGHT IDEA with rebuilding the franchise with goalies like Roberto Luongo, Nonis never picked up a piece of garbage player like Wellwood that would fit right into Alain Vigneault's "hard-work-pays-off" coaching style. Gillis believes this is the beginning of something big with the claiming of Wellwood off waivers. When asked whether he was going to pursue all-star Martin St. Louis next to complete the line, Gillis replied "No, he's too good"

Good luck next year, Canucks.

By the way, i'm joking...this whole "article" is not real nor is it in any way meant to be taken too seriously. It is exaggerated, but I do stand by my perception that Kyle Wellwood is lazy and won't do much to help the Canucks. And, I don't like him. He better prove me wrong. Plus, I like Nonis more than Gillis, and I believe Aquilini's decision to fire Nonis was unjustified. As of now, i'm not happy. We'll just have to see.

Dancing Around the World with Matthew Harding

Matthew Harding is a bad dancer. In fact, he's a horrible dancer. So how come this guy gets to dance in 42 different countries around the world with thousands and thousands of other people for FREE?

Well, it's long and complicated reason...so just read his story and all about his travels HERE, but, before that, watch this inspiring video he made about his journey...

(note at 3:30, he dances in my hometown, Vancouver, booyah)

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

HOW TO MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER AT THE OFFICE...

Don't you just hate it when you get up late for work, throw your pre-made lunch into your bag and drive very dangerously to work just arriving at 9am, only to realize at 12pm that you forgot your damn fork!? Yeah, me neither, I'm awesome, so I never forget my fork.
Either way, this innovative (and eco-friendly) pen/knife/fork/spoon isn't disposable like the cheap plastic stuff you would usually bring, and it uses the caps of regular pens as the head of the utensil. Check out the article regarding this office life-saver.

Also, check out this Self-Stirring Coffee Mug, which, according to the article, is already sold out.

The world is just getting lazier and lazier.

I BELIEVE...

1. that IF you STILL don't know what you want to order after waiting FIFTEEN MINUTES in a starbucks lineup you should be forced (by law) to buy coffee for the agitated (and forcefully compliant) person behind you.

2. that any girl under 16 years old should NOT have the freedom to wear skirts that rise above their knees. Gross.

3. that JAPADOGS are amazing and anyone who doesn't like them is racist/snobby. (Just kidding...kind of)

On to a lighter note...

MAC VS. PC COMMERCIALS...WITH A SOUTH PARK TWIST...

Check out this hilarious parody of the Mac vs. PC Commercials using South Park characters.


Find the sequel (with linux!) to this commercial parody HERE

Also, check out this application that lets you create your own South Park Character!

VIDS VIDS VIDS...

I am a YOUTUBER with a specific tastes. Videos with quality deadpan humour and ridiculously stupid humour make me laugh. These are some FUNNY videos that I think fit that quality.

Oh by the way, I apologize in advance if this absorbs you into a 5 hour long Youtube Frenzy where you watch video after video until you realize the sun is rising right outside your window and you've made an irreparable ass groove in your chair (yeah, we've all done it before).

Demetri Martin - Jokes with a Guitar


Whitest Kids U' Know - Slow Jerk


Whitest Kids U Know - Cubicle Boss


Picniceface - Powerthirst


Picnicface - Powerthirst 2


And lastly, Funny commercials