Showing posts with label canucks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label canucks. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

NHL Report | "I DON'T WANT MATS SUNDIN" says this Canucks fan


There have been a whole lot of signings since free agency opened on July 1st, but I'm only gonna talk about what the Canucks did, because I don't really care about any other team. Lets start with the big news first...

MATS SUNDIN - Now, I know this old bastard hasn't signed with the Canucks yet even after being offered 10 million a year (which would make him the highest paid player in the NHL) but I think it's ridiculous he's even being offered that much money. And so far, it doesn't even look like he wants to play here, so it's been a huge slap in the face to the Canucks who threw all that money at him. He's said time and time again he's loyal to the leafs and wants to be a leaf for life. I, for one, don't want someone thats loyal to any other team other than my own...especially if the team he's loyal to is the goddamn leafs. (fuck the leafs) And lets get back to the money...10 million...are you serious? 10 million!? that's almost 2 million more than the phenom Crosby is making...that's just ridiculous. Sundin, stay in Toronto, we don't want you here.

Ryan Johnson - Good third line guy with speed and the potential to score because of it. I like this pickup and I think he could be the pickup that's overlooked until he starts scoring shorties like there's no tomorrow.

Darcy Hordichuk - I like this pickup. This guy can hit and brings grit to a pretty soft Canucks team. Also, Hordichuk is awesome because he has his own site. It's got videos of his best hits and fights and all other Hordichukian-stuff. Now, finally Jeff Cowan, the wannabe heavyweight, doesn't have to be the muscle and can get used to being a healthy scratch. No offense, I like Cowan (especially during his odd scoring tear way back)...he's a fighter... but he doesn't seem to ever win a fight...all he does is score once every 40 games or so. That's like hiring Manny Pacquaio to mow your lawn three times a year.

Nolan Baumgartner - Fuck this guy, not good enough offensively or defensively. Why the fuck do we need this blast-from-the-past so called offensive defenseman. My prediction: he gets traded again to the dumbass Flyers who thought he was worth something a couple years back.

Steve Bernier - Good pickup. Young, big, right-handed (perfect for Sedin line), and skilled with loads of potential. Fuck you John Davidson for that offer sheet. Waste our money, ya big baby.

Pavol Demitra - We haven't signed him yet, but rumour has it...we're his first choice. I wouldn't mind having this guy, and I heard the deal is going to be like 3 years for 12 million...which isn't too bad for a potential first line center. The only problem is that the original source of this info is from the infamous Eklund...who is a piece of shit loser that doesn't deserve to be easily linked. Go google him if you care.

That's enough of the NEW blood joining the Canucks. Let's reflect on a couple of key guys that won't be coming back to the Canucks next year...

Brendan Morrison - This guy never seemed to live up to his potential after the fall of the West Coast Express. It may not have been his fault, or anyone's fault, but I really do hope he kicks ass in Anaheim. He's at least a second line center and was one of the best centers on the free agent market. This guy is well-respected here and the only time I won't root for him is when he's against the Canucks.

Markus Naslund - There are haters out there that are angry that he's leaving. I personally don't think some fans appreciated him enough here. He was criticized for not being good enough all the time or "captain-enough"...and he took it all from fans who were too young or too stupid to remember all the times he came through...I have a strong feeling he will flourish in NYR where fans might not be so critical and pretentious. And for those who still respect Naslund, here are two great tribute videos of the one we called Captain:
Video 1
Video 2
Best of Luck, Nazzy. We won't forget you.

Trevor Linden - Trevor Linden is the man. The greatest Canuck and the greatest Captain and the greatest person. A player that was impossible to hate, and will most definitely have his number retired at G.M. Place. For those of you who missed his last game in the NHL where he was given a very special tribute from the fans...here it is. Amazing.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

NHL REPORT | The Vancouver Canucks acquire Wellwood in an attempt to create The Shortest Second-Rate Scoring Unit...


The Vancouver Canucks "proudly" claimed Kyle Wellwood off of waivers yesterday in an attempt to create their highly anticipated and innovative "SSRS-UNIT".

"It's a great new idea. I'm very excited" mumbles Mike Gillis, the new GM of the Canucks.
Gillis, and the rest of the not-so-bright executives (Francesco Aquilini) believe that a "new and improved" Kyle Wellwood would fit right into their plans for the future. Kyle Wellwood, known for his laziness, diminutive hockey sense, and recently, his questionable attitude, is going to be placed on a line with Ryan Shannon to create 2/3 of a lethal and feared line called the "Shortest Second-Rate Scoring Unit" (SSRS-UNIT) in which opponents will be afraid to throw hard bodychecks because Gary Bettman WILL BE ON THEIR ASS after these small hockey players get hurt. Gillis, and the rest of the not-so-bright executives believe that a line combination with 3 players all 5'10 and under (Wellwood, 5'10, Shannon 5'9) will help pave the way for the new NHL, where speed and agility are more important than size and work ethic.

"Believe me, this unit will be the new NHL's "Legion of Doom"" Gillis claims.

Wellwood, 25, has proven to be a wave of potential for the Canucks with his unwillingness to get in shape and ability to get injured often because of it. Gillis, hired by Aquilini for his innovative perception of the new NHL with ideas like the "SSRS-UNIT", actually believed that Dave Nonis' original plan on rebuilding the Canucks involved lazy, no-good, puck-hog players like Wellwood. Only, Gillis states, he is a better candidate than Nonis because while Nonis had the RIGHT IDEA with rebuilding the franchise with goalies like Roberto Luongo, Nonis never picked up a piece of garbage player like Wellwood that would fit right into Alain Vigneault's "hard-work-pays-off" coaching style. Gillis believes this is the beginning of something big with the claiming of Wellwood off waivers. When asked whether he was going to pursue all-star Martin St. Louis next to complete the line, Gillis replied "No, he's too good"

Good luck next year, Canucks.

By the way, i'm joking...this whole "article" is not real nor is it in any way meant to be taken too seriously. It is exaggerated, but I do stand by my perception that Kyle Wellwood is lazy and won't do much to help the Canucks. And, I don't like him. He better prove me wrong. Plus, I like Nonis more than Gillis, and I believe Aquilini's decision to fire Nonis was unjustified. As of now, i'm not happy. We'll just have to see.