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Today's Weird Asia News Post written by me...after my editor fixed it up.

It's True...Men Will Stick Their Penis Anywhere That Fits

Ever walk around the park and wonder if humping that super seductive steel bench will fulfill your day? Well, Xing, a 41 year-old man, certainly did believe that the feeling of cold steel against his member was just what he needed. Who can blame him though, really? It was a quiet night in Hong Kong, quite dark, people were sleeping, everybody does something pretty creepy once in a while.

It's just really too bad for Xing, because he got aroused by all the dangers involved in this villainous act and his dick got stuck, then it swelled up, and by then he had no choice but to call the authorities.
What an extremely awkward phone call that must've been.

"Help! My penis is stuck!"
"Where are you located, sir?"
"Lan Tian park"
"Where is it stuck? I mean, what is it stuck in."
"A bench"
"A bench? Did you try to fuck a bench, sir. Or, were you doing nude push-ups"
"Uh...The second one"

After the phone call, the police arrived, and they tried basically everything to liberate this man from the steel fist of the bench. They eventually had to saw the whole damn bench off and bring the man-perv to the hospital. Four hours later, Xing, now officially known as Dick-In-A-Bench guy (Timberlake-esque), had his penis back and vows that his hand will be the only thing touching his dong for the next three years.

Now, because of men like Xing, there will be labels on public benches that read: "CAUTION: No, Do NOT Stick Your Dick in these Holes...Pervert"

Check out the painful video of the incident below:
Warning: Lots of moaning and some blood in the video.


Official News Coverage HERE

Pizza Employee Robbed By Her Own Father | Will Need Kids Help Phone Line

Stephanie Martinez has an odd family. Either her parents have no idea where her daughter works, or they just don't really like her. Last week, Stephanie was working her shift at a local Pizza parlour in Denton when a man with a wig and sunglasses came into the joint and tried to rob the place. Fortunately, as displayed in the video below, her coworker beat the crap out of her dad when she was about to hand him the money. The coworker knocked out the daddy/robber and the wig/sunglasses disguise fell off his face prompting Stephanie to yell "Stop! That's my dad!"

Police have reason to believe that Stephanie had no idea that her father, Benjamin "RobMyDaughter" Ramirez, was going to come to the place that night... and hence she couldn't have been in on the robbery. I beg to differ. But, it's just a hunch. Like, I think if her daddy was gonna rob her joint, he would warn her ahead of time...but who knows, that's just me.

More via DallasNews

Check out the video below of the coworker knocking out the Father of the Year

DMX Arrested For Identity Theft | What's His Real Name Anyway?

No, he didn't pretend to be a dog.

DMX, the rapper famous for his barking noises and not very good music, used the fake name "Troy Jones" and a fake social security number when he checked into an Arizona hospital. He failed to pay for a $7,500 medical bill and hence he was tracked down and arrested in Phoenix.

His real name is Earl Simmons if you're wondering. That so doesn't fit him. He should stick with DMX.

More via UPI