Hancock | I Only Saw Half of A Movie...

Oh...it was so close. The first hour is so good...almost great, mainly because Will Smith is so very charasmatic. The premise of this story is also very original and almost brilliant. Jason Bateman is flawless, and hilarious whenever he's on screen. But...man...seriously the last half of this movie (after that very confusing and very horrible plot twist) was just garbage. Like COME ON! Even after the disappointing twist I was hoping the movie would turn it around and give us a satisfying ending. Or, at the very least, tell us what in the world was going on! Ugh. Give me half my money back.

Just had to throw this in...

Other than the weird first 25 seconds...this video was very entertaining...and I still can't figure out why...

NHL Report | "I DON'T WANT MATS SUNDIN" says this Canucks fan

There have been a whole lot of signings since free agency opened on July 1st, but I'm only gonna talk about what the Canucks did, because I don't really care about any other team. Lets start with the big news first...

MATS SUNDIN - Now, I know this old bastard hasn't signed with the Canucks yet even after being offered 10 million a year (which would make him the highest paid player in the NHL) but I think it's ridiculous he's even being offered that much money. And so far, it doesn't even look like he wants to play here, so it's been a huge slap in the face to the Canucks who threw all that money at him. He's said time and time again he's loyal to the leafs and wants to be a leaf for life. I, for one, don't want someone thats loyal to any other team other than my own...especially if the team he's loyal to is the goddamn leafs. (fuck the leafs) And lets get back to the money...10 million...are you serious? 10 million!? that's almost 2 million more than the phenom Crosby is making...that's just ridiculous. Sundin, stay in Toronto, we don't want you here.

Ryan Johnson - Good third line guy with speed and the potential to score because of it. I like this pickup and I think he could be the pickup that's overlooked until he starts scoring shorties like there's no tomorrow.

Darcy Hordichuk - I like this pickup. This guy can hit and brings grit to a pretty soft Canucks team. Also, Hordichuk is awesome because he has his own site. It's got videos of his best hits and fights and all other Hordichukian-stuff. Now, finally Jeff Cowan, the wannabe heavyweight, doesn't have to be the muscle and can get used to being a healthy scratch. No offense, I like Cowan (especially during his odd scoring tear way back)...he's a fighter... but he doesn't seem to ever win a fight...all he does is score once every 40 games or so. That's like hiring Manny Pacquaio to mow your lawn three times a year.

Nolan Baumgartner - Fuck this guy, not good enough offensively or defensively. Why the fuck do we need this blast-from-the-past so called offensive defenseman. My prediction: he gets traded again to the dumbass Flyers who thought he was worth something a couple years back.

Steve Bernier - Good pickup. Young, big, right-handed (perfect for Sedin line), and skilled with loads of potential. Fuck you John Davidson for that offer sheet. Waste our money, ya big baby.

Pavol Demitra - We haven't signed him yet, but rumour has it...we're his first choice. I wouldn't mind having this guy, and I heard the deal is going to be like 3 years for 12 million...which isn't too bad for a potential first line center. The only problem is that the original source of this info is from the infamous Eklund...who is a piece of shit loser that doesn't deserve to be easily linked. Go google him if you care.

That's enough of the NEW blood joining the Canucks. Let's reflect on a couple of key guys that won't be coming back to the Canucks next year...

Brendan Morrison - This guy never seemed to live up to his potential after the fall of the West Coast Express. It may not have been his fault, or anyone's fault, but I really do hope he kicks ass in Anaheim. He's at least a second line center and was one of the best centers on the free agent market. This guy is well-respected here and the only time I won't root for him is when he's against the Canucks.

Markus Naslund - There are haters out there that are angry that he's leaving. I personally don't think some fans appreciated him enough here. He was criticized for not being good enough all the time or "captain-enough"...and he took it all from fans who were too young or too stupid to remember all the times he came through...I have a strong feeling he will flourish in NYR where fans might not be so critical and pretentious. And for those who still respect Naslund, here are two great tribute videos of the one we called Captain:
Video 1
Video 2
Best of Luck, Nazzy. We won't forget you.

Trevor Linden - Trevor Linden is the man. The greatest Canuck and the greatest Captain and the greatest person. A player that was impossible to hate, and will most definitely have his number retired at G.M. Place. For those of you who missed his last game in the NHL where he was given a very special tribute from the fans...here it is. Amazing.

Funniest Asian Rap Ever

Okay, so...the rapping is horrible, the beatboxing is nonexistent, and the lyrics are garbage. But this is the funniest shit I've seen in awhile. I love how the cameraman can hardly contain himself and laughs at the ridiculously bad gangster lingo at the beginning.

So, this is what I understood the lyrics to be:

You look fat, like a cat
Look at your ugly head
I want to hit you with a bat
You suck, like a duck
I want to hit you with a puck
And kick you in the knee
Throw you in the sea
YO!!!...

The description of the video said he was freestyling. So... NO, he's not retarded...

In Time...Future Me and Future You Can Have Superpowers...

I love science and technology for two reasons:
1) The internet
2) Superhuman abilities

Let's begin with A Story of The Future:

So, Future Me spots Future You walking down Granville Street with a six pack of beer and an armoured body suit on that curiously resembles the classic Iron Man's Armour. I think it's the new HAL but I'm not sure so I walk quickly towards you to ask... but before I can ask you anything, you point at my shoulder and ask me why in the world would I ever need to be invisible. I look at the retro-reflectum suit thrown over my shoulder and tell you I got it on Ebay for dirt cheap. Then, I (rather callously) joke about how I'm going use my new suit for voyeuristic pleasures involving your daughter. You get angry, and impulsively react by using your newly upgraded BrainGate Neural Interface System (also from Ebay) to perform telekinesis and smash three bottles of your beer on my head in a matter of two to three seconds. Luckily, as you know, I acquired an extracellular matrix implant, and all the wounds you just opened are healed within five seconds. You're still pissed at my remark so I run for it knowing you're insane when you're angry. You start charging at me with your armoured body suit ...*CLUNK* *CLUNK* *CLUNK*, and any minute now I know you'll be firing your suit's recently upgraded (as shown all over TV) mini-missiles. As of now, I'm pretty sure I'm screwed...unless...unless...I use the implanted nanoglue and climb up that wall like spiderman would...way back in the day. I leap for the big building in front of me and start climbing. Shit. Your super-suit has rocket boosters... but, I still have just one more trick. Right when you're about to bust a missile in my ass, I throw on my retro-reflectum cloak. And just like that...*poof* I'm gone.

Now folks, this isn't far-reaching at all. Sounds a bit like Keyser Soze at the end...but anyway... Read THIS and you'll see that science really is giving normal humans the ability to be SUPERHUMAN...
Iron Man-like body armour
Telekinesis
Regeneration
Invisibility
Spiderman-esque wall-climbing ability
...all of this technology is being worked on right this minute, and it could very well be the status quo in the near future.


ALSO... check out these super-human individuals that are defying what is "normal" with their ability to see with their ears or boil things with their bare hands.

Thank you cracked.com again for creating another awesome article...that's two posts in a row now.